What Now?

I wonder if the person right next to you can feel what you are feeling and feels the same way as you do. Most of the time, you can’t tell. Is there really such a thing as sensing a spark? You sense chemistry at work with all the moving electrons going about, but does the other person feel it too? What if you’re just hallucinating and perhaps it’s just the cotton fibers of your shirt that’s causing the spark no more no less?

So how do you know for sure? I don’t know. I was thinking maybe the answer lies in being able to distinguish what’s real from what’s not. We have to be careful with these personal mind games that we play. It could affect our sense of reality and blur our perception of certain things, say what we are feeling at the moment or what we want from the current situation. Falling into this kind of trap can be messy not to mention emotionally distressing. We must not let ourselves get carried away by the idea of something that could probably be just a figment of our imagination only. But then this is not to say that we should discard everything as null and invalid because what if it is indeed real and existing? The formula here involves a little gut feel, lots of perceptiveness and huge amounts of rationality.

On the other hand we could opt not to do any psycho analyzing or psycho whatever. Sometimes this could actually be the best thing to do. Instead of mulling over the situation, why not free the self from the burden of dissecting every minute detail and just enjoy the moment, regardless whether it will or will not last. I guess the next sentence best sums up what I have to say, ‘As much as the heart may want to take off into the clouds, the intuition may be calling you back down to Earth, so try your best to balance these energies and use them to infuse a creative burst’.

I Speak Now

Keeping my mouth shut is what I do best. Less talk, less trouble; the more talk, the more prone you are to misquotations and misinterpretations. Word travels fast, faster than a speeding bullet. When it reaches the grapevine, you’ll be amazed at how a simple story has been twisted and turned into an interestingly big story-the more sensationalized, the better, or at how a good intentioned slash well-intended sentence turns into a “meaningfully” loaded interpretation that’s unbelievably so far out from the truth.

Someone told me the other day I have to be assertive and tough, which I obviously lack. I’ve always been a non-confrontational person. Well not always. I used to be the bully way back when I was in my pre-school/elementary years. I was always the leader. And now twenty three years later, I just let other people handle and do all the talking. I would usually give in and agree along for the sake of camaraderie. There are certain exceptions though. I do speak up only when it is absolutely necessary. When things get personal then that’s the time I speak up. Otherwise I couldn’t careless.

I am slowly finding this to be a not-so-good a choice though. Keeping quiet seems to be not enough anymore. I’ve discovered that less talk would mislead people to wrong judgments about you. While I would prefer to keep mum and allow people to think whatever they want to think, I am now finding the urge to speak out loud. It’s a man-eats-world out there. If you don’t want to get trampled on, it’s imperative to speak up and let your voice be heard, which exactly I am trying hard to do now.

Question and Answer Portion

There are a lot of things in this world that cannot be easily comprehended by the human mind, which explains why there are more why’s than answers being correctly answered. Man being the genius that he is usually has a ready answer—be it scientific, religious, philosophical or what not, but still we end up more confused with more why’s than ever before. I guess no amount of explanations can and will ever satisfy us. I don’t know with you but I found my answer in the spiritual realm. It is actually as simple as accepting that some things are bound to happen just because so, because God wants it so.

I know it’s not easy to accept the things that we have no control over, especially when it’s something that hits so close to home. It’s not easy seeing people in grief mourning over the loss of a loved one. It’s not easy seeing thousands of people who are already living in poverty suffer another blow, this time from nature’s wrath. It’s not easy to see someone get hurt…all just because so, all because God wants it so. As much as I want to believe that God has a purpose for everything, it’s still not that easy to accept the not-so-good things for what they are.

But it’s a dead end street. The questions will never end and it will never lead to a satisfying answer. Unfortunately the answers to the why’s will always baffle and elude us. Perhaps the answers can never be found in this lifetime of ours. Maybe the answers are greater than ourselves; more than what we can comprehend, more than what we could have ever imagined possible.

I’m not sure how I’m going to end this blog. I have no answers myself. I think faith somehow plays an essential role in all these though. We should never stop believing even if sometimes there is sufficient reason to do so otherwise. When reason fails us, we should turn to our faith and embrace the life we have in its entirety—with all its bits and pieces, and yes with all the why’s included.

Nothing else but assumptions, assumptions, and assumptions

Assuming is bad for one’s health, well on one’s emotional health that is. One can never safely assume unless the concrete proof is right before one’s eyes. Take note of the concrete here. Otherwise, one should just put all signs aside and not think of it in any other way. While it may not be that easy to dismiss certain things and put meaning on it, one should not fall into the trap of mistaking a thing for something else. Just like a plump red apple that may look deliciously juicy on the outside but turns out to be a disappointingly bitter one.

While it may sound like I am talking based from my own experiences, it is in fact the other way around. I actually learned this through the personal experiences of some friends of mine who have “safely” assumed only to be disappointed in the end. I don’t blame them though. If one would analyze it, all signs seemed to be leading to only one direction. But things could change in just one blink. That’s why never blink!! Hehe Just as fast as the weather changes, things can also suddenly go from meaningful to meaningless. The once ‘helping you with research’ seemed to be nothing else but just that. The once ‘text messages’ which you thought were sweet isn’t that sweet after all. And the once ‘long meaningful conversations’ you’ve had was apparently not that meaningful as it seemed to be.

So now I should understand why people sometimes play hard to get. I don’t really think it’s playing hard to get per se. It’s more of playing their cards well. They have to be smarter and more careful now in laying out all their spades or diamonds, whichever is higher. After all you got to play the game right in order to win.

Peace of Mind? yeah right...Fish of Mind maybe.

I am surprised how liberating it is to be able to break away from all the worries in the world and from my own too, whatever that may be. I’m letting it all hang loose for the moment. Not really giving a good damn about things can certainly be a sought-after privilege these days. I’m glad to have it in my pocket and I don’t intend to give it away for now.

It’s what you call peace of mind. It’s free but not everyone gets to have it.

Despite not knowing where to go (I thought I was moving forward but turned out I was just going in circles), despite being stuck in the mundanity of life, despite failing to meet expectations…I don’t really care for now. I’m not going to try and dissect every single detail. I’m going to take the back seat for now and let life lead me to wherever.